This is Why We Train
Under duress we do not rise to our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. — Archilochus
This truthful statement is popularly attributed to Bruce Lee, who must have said it quite often, and for whom it must have been proven time and again. A martial arts master understands about failing, and about what happens when our limits and abilities are challenged by oppressive forces.
When you consider it, it becomes clear that it can’t be otherwise. We may have delusions about our ability to prevail against dark forces seeking to undermine all our good, hard work but the reality is that we can only use the skills and wisdom we possess. If we don’t have a reliable foundation to draw on during difficult times, we will be thrown on our behinds. You can only use the tools you’ve got at hand, only use them in the ways you have developed.
Right now I know that many of you are experiencing a wide variety of intense emotions, feeling desperate to know what to do about what is happening and what will happen in these United States, now that a majority of citizens have reelected Donald Trump. I also feel deep disappointment, fear, anger, incredulity, and ill will toward people in general.
Shall I remain in this soup of negative emotion, or can I feel what I feel and keep letting experience change me?
Right alongside these unpleasant feelings I also feel basically okay about it all. The last time this horrible man was elected as our leader I felt enraged for weeks, and it was awful. Appropriate anger, yes, but it is no way to live. It was exhausting and depleting and it leaked over into other contexts, and there’s no doubt that I unwittingly hurt others with it. This time, I am pleasantly surprised to be free of the overwhelm a lot of my loved ones are experiencing.
It's not that I don’t care. If anything, this debacle matters more to me than ever. But because I have been consistently training in dharma practice and mindful embodiment, my nervous system is more easily regulated, and I am more familiar with the patterns my mind likes to throw at me, which are as unsubstantial as soap bubbles. As strange as this may sound, in one respect I am grateful for this turn of events, so that I can see the progress and skill building I’ve done.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have times when I’d prefer to pull the covers over my head or apply for a Canadian work visa. I still needle myself with comparisons to others in my professional realm who seem to be rising to the occasion with brilliant help for everybody. I still hear the voices of my inner critic, Judgy McJudger, and the one I call The Catastrophizer.
I am happy to see this, to know it, to know how best to respond to it.
This is why we train! In the words of the magnificent Clarissa Pinkola Estes, “we were made for these times.” Again, how can it be otherwise?
So my work is the same today as it was last week: Find refuge in a community of caring people, keep practicing consistently, listen closely to myself and others, avoid long periods of shut-down and numbing (a little is okay, as long as it’s a choice not a compulsion), and keep the faith.
We just finished reading Sharon Salzberg’s book, Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience, for the WOW Book Club. I also recently led a 4-week course, Going for Refuge, which explored the “triple jewel” of Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha and how they provide safety and protection. In both instances I came away with a clearer understanding of what faith is, and how doubt and uncertainty are an essential aspect of it. I even got a lesson from the movie, Conclave (recommended), in which Ralph Fiennes plays a cardinal who must manage the conclave that will elect the next pope. In a homily to open the conclave he says the following:
There is one sin which I have come to fear above all else: certainty. Certainty is the great enemy of unity. Certainty is the deadly enemy of tolerance. Our faith is a living thing precisely because it walks hand in hand with doubt. If there was only certainty and no doubt, there would be no mystery and therefore no need for faith.
So if you have doubts or feel lost in a sea of uncertainty, please don’t despair. Life is ungovernable, but it doesn’t have to be unbearable. If you commit yourself to mindfulness practice -- which requires faith -- and do your best to remain curious, kind, and self-compassionate, you will suffer less. Your investment in practice and good intentions will pay off (to use a very American concept).
Salzberg’s book on faith emphasizes trusting yourself and your ability to discern what is true and reliable in this ever-changing human existence. Our whole lives we have been told to respect and trust authority. As it turns out, you are the most trustworthy authority in your life. That’s why it’s so important to keep training in mindful embodied self-awareness.
Ram Dass said,
You have everything in you that Buddha has, that Christ has. You’ve got it all. But only when you start to acknowledge it is it going to get interesting. Your problem is you’re afraid to acknowledge your own beauty. You’re too busy holding on to your own unworthiness. You’d rather be a schnook sitting before some great man. That fits in more with who you think you are. Well, enough already. I sit before you and I look and I see your beauty, even if you don’t.
Keep training, Beautiful. What you gain cannot be taken away from you by any person or circumstance.
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Check out this video reflection from the fall of 2020, when we faced some similar social upheavals: Why We Train (5:11). Except for a different hairstyle, I could have recorded it today.